Written by: Sara Hageman
@sarahagemanphotography | sarahagemanphotography.com
Parenthood. By definition, “the state of being a parent, and the responsibilities involved.”
A role most applicable to the small print at the bottom of a job description stating other duties as assigned. It can’t be placed in a box, and is only mildly understood by those who have experienced it. What we do know is the overwhelm of waking each morning, knowing that all we want is to give our babies a childhood they will cherish forever, hoping it results in the raising of good humans, and trying our best to meet the basic needs to keep ourselves alive for the ride. All while being prodded by the pressures of society to find perfection. We are constantly reminded that “every parent goes through this”, so we tell ourselves to toughen up and forge on, continuing to seek ways to create perfection.
So what is perfect? A baby that sleeps through the night at 4 months old? Or toddlers that sit nicely at the dinner table, and follow the food pyramid as law? Have we officially “made it” when holidays feel like the movies, or when our newborn rides nicely in the stroller, gazing at the falling leaves above as we sip our pumpkin spice latte in the sweater we’ve waited since July to snuggle into?
Or does that all fall apart when they hit their first sleep regression, or when the after school rush results in take out in the car? Are the holidays cancelled when the 2 year old knocks the tree over, or if we miss them entirely because the whole household caught the flu? Does Fall even count if we’re still wearing tank tops because we sweat trying to get the kids in the car? And by the time you’re done answering questions on the way to school about why the sky is blue or why your four year old can’t snap their fingers like their older sibling, your coffee is too cold to stomach, and the thought of receiving unsolicited advice from every stranger in the public park sounds like enough to make you want to head right back home to where your morning began.
This is the reality of parenthood. The punch line to a comic skit that is only funny because it is relatable. The only thing that parents agree is present in every parenthood journey is imperfection. The dramatic & constant shift between calm and chaos. The moments that leave us wondering if this is normal, or if we’re doing it all wrong, because certainly as we’ve been told every parent goes through this. If that’s the case, how do they go through it and find perfection in it all?
Every year, I photograph over 100 families, and every year, one thing remains true. Not one is by definition, perfect. Tears will be shed, and children won’t sit and smile. Funny faces will fly and attention spans will be short. They will roll in the dirt, and ditch their shoes. But not once has a gallery gone unloved, because after the tears, there were true embraces. The funny faces resulted in the biggest laughs and parents’ favorite smiles, and the dirty toes were a constant reminder of the adventures they’ve had and that are yet to come.
This is the reality of parenthood. The beauty is in the chaos. The rolling baby diaper changes whilst being buddy hugged by a toddler. The milk soaked t-shirt mama with a newborn whose onesie bottom is only buttoned when out of the house. The way we balance the guilt of craving our little ones to gain some independence, but crying as we begin digging into the drawer holding the next size up of clothing. Rather than trying to toughen up and forge ahead seeking perfection that has yet to be found, this phrase should be our call to action to embrace the one thing we all have in common: Imperfection. For moments like this are swirling us daily, and strangely enough, every parent goes through them.
Imperfection is a necessary part of what makes us human, and the only thing we all have in common. The result of imperfection is empathy and understanding. The ability to connect and recognize that because we are all human, because no one is perfect. Imperfection is the lifeline to humanity; and in a world where we are constantly divided by stark differences, humanity is the thread that is holding this world together.
We are human. The human race. Humans collectively finding beauty in imperfection.
Sara Hageman is a family photographer obsessed with documenting the beauty in the chaotic unfolding of the reality that is parenthood.
